Here s How to Deal With Rejection in a Healthy Way, According to Psychologists

After you’ve taken some time to calm down and get grounded, it’s important to pay attention to what you’re feeling — and a great way to do this is write it all down in a journal. One exercise you can do, says Becker-Phelps, is to write down all the emotions you’re feeling — and then pair them with the thoughts that are going with those emotions. “Just by doing that, you’re getting some distance, and then you can cope with the rejection better, because you’re not just all tangled up in it,” she says.

How to Deal With Rejection

Here’s How to Deal With Rejection in a Healthy Way, According to Psychologists

How to Deal With Rejection

We’ve all been rejected at one point or another — whether it be from a new love interest, a job you applied to, or a group of friends. Whichever kind of rejection you’re facing, the fact of the matter is that rejection hurts and when you put it out all on the line only to get a heartbreaking “no,” it’s enough to make anyone want to stop trying to put themselves out there for anything.

When you let rejection hold you back like this, though, it can wreak havoc on all aspects of your personal life. In fact, according to Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Bouncing Back from Rejection: Build the Resilience You Need to Get Back Up When Life Knocks You Down, dealing with rejection in unhealthy ways can not only negatively impact your personal relationships, but can even lead to debilitating conditions such as depression and anxiety.

Fortunately, though, there are ways you can deal with rejection that can help you come out of it stronger. Getting rejected doesn’t have to be the end-all be-all, and the experience can actually help you in the long run to become more resilient in your life. So if you’re wondering how to deal with rejection from friends, family, coworkers, or a crush, here are some of the best psychologist-approved tips and techniques to help you bounce back from the experience:

Examine your own role in why you got rejected.

Some rejections truly aren’t as personal as they feel. Love rejection on Tinder, for example, simply means that some stranger took all of 20 seconds to make a snap judgment based on criteria you’ll never be privy to. But if, say, you used to be a member of the office happy hour crew and your after-work drink invites have suddenly vanished, it may be time to review your possible role in why that came to be.

Think back to the last time you spent with the party in question (you know, the rejecter) , whether it was on a date or in a job interview. Winch suggests a mental replay of what, to your best recollection, you said or did, and how they reacted. Is there anything you could’ve done differently to improve the encounter, or can you at least prevent it from happening again in the future?

“This isn’t to say the other person had no responsibility,” Winch says, “but the value in that examination is to learn what we might need to be mindful of what we hadn’t paid sufficient attention to previously.”

Don’t Look Back with Rose-Colored Glasses

When we experience a rejection, we are often more inclined to build up whatever or whoever is rejecting us. Jobs can start to sound better when we don’t get them. Dates may appear more attractive after they don’t call back. And relationships that were rocky or made us miserable may start to seem blissful once they’ve ended. Dealing with a rejection is a lot harder when we are mourning something that didn’t really exist the rosy way we remember it.

Often, couples who struggle with closeness are already dealing with some degree of what Dr. Robert Firestone calls a “fantasy bond,” an illusion of connection and security that replaces real love, intimacy, and affection. They settle for the form of being in a relationship, while missing out on the real respect, warmth, and attraction that drew them together in the first place. Eventually, when one partner decides to end the relationship, the other person is left mourning, not only the relationship, but the fantasy they created of being connected to the other. They forget or ignore the ways they struggled, the parts of them that didn’t gel so well with the other person, and the qualities they didn’t like in their partner or about the relationship.

When we feel rejected, even when we feel anger at the other person or the situation, we’re often, on some level more willing to tear ourselves apart, while building up the one who’s rejecting us. We idealize the person or the relationship and long for it, while simultaneously reinforcing the idea that we are less than or unworthy. What we must realize is that this feeling of unworthiness often has much deeper roots inside us, and what’s tormenting us often has less to do with the actual reality of what we lost and more to do with a fundamental negative feeling about ourselves that drives us to believe fantasy over reality.

Redirect your thoughts on moving forward

You’ve faced rejection and survived it, now don’t let it hold you back from life! How will you apply what you learned to the future? What life advice did the situation give you? The best part of rejection is looking forward and learning not to be so hard on yourself in the future. “Moving on can mean finding the courage to try again, whether that’s going up for another promotion or asking someone out for coffee,” Savage says.

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How to Write a Paper About Psychology

How to Write a Paper About Psychology

Psychology is a special subject with special needs. If you miss out on the requirements, you mess the whole assignment. Are you struggling to write a psychology paper? The following are guidelines to help you write one:

Decide Which Subject About Psychology You Want To Write About

There are different aspects of psychology, for example, clinical psychology, children development, cognitive psychology, and social psychology. Each of these disciplines requires different information. Therefore, before you decide on which subject to delve in, ensure you read and understand each of them. After that, select the one that you feel comfortable writing about. If you are not sure, psychological books and internet resources will help you distinguish them and make a wise decision. 


Doing research is the key to writing an incredible paper regardless of your field of study. In psychology, you need to read psychological books. Additionally, reach out to internet resources. Since psychology is vast, you have to be sure of where you do your research. For example, if you intend to write about a disorder and the type of therapy psychologists perform, you should focus on clinical psychology related sources. Psychology often takes time to comprehend. Therefore, do not hurry your research process. Be slow, but extract quality data for your paper. 

Listen To Podcasts

Listening to podcasts is a rare habit. Most psychological topics have successful stories embedded in them. Listening to these stories through podcasts will better your understanding and keep you open-minded. Choose podcasts that relate to the topic you are writing. Additionally, ensure you check the creator of the podcast before you listen to it, and select ones created by psychology experts. 

Seek Online Writing Services

If you are a psychological student, or you want to learn about psychology, you will attest to its uniqueness. It requires some level of understanding, a quality that takes time for some students to develop. If you face challenges writing a psychology paper, turn to a website offering college paper writing service for help. Let them complete the paper for you and learn from them.

Create an Outline

Like other college papers, psychology-related papers follow specific guidelines. Before you write one, ensure that you have the correct guideline by creating a draft outline and presenting it to your supervisor for approval. Outlines guides and make your final writing easier. If you skip this phase, you may end up deviating from the course guidelines and make too many errors.

Write the Paper

You have the information you require. You also have a condensed and approved outline. Now it is time to write the paper. Do it carefully and pay attention not to misspell psychological terms. While it is mandatory to edit your paper, avoid making errors at this stage to make sure you shorten your editing time. However, this is not the stage to stress out. Write the paper the best way possible then check the mistakes later. 


In psychology, you will encounter too much jargon and unfamiliar terms. If you misuse or misspell them, you may not get the grades you desire. That is why it is significant to edit after you have finished writing. Check for grammatical errors, plagiarism, and others. 


The first edit in psychology may not guarantee your paper the perfection it deserves. Read it aloud as you listen. Give a friend also to read it aloud for you. Ask them their opinion. In case there are mistakes, correct them.


By now, you should be able to attempt your psychology papers. However, if you still cannot get it right, continue practicing until you nail it.


I agree that mindfulness should ultimately be developed into theory mainly because of the immense interaction that it plays with the human brain. As portrayed by Dr Siegel, mindfulness can be classified using the three R’s namely: reflection, relationships and resilience. It is important to however start nurturing this principle to an individual at an early stage of their lives to reap significant benefits from the same.

It is true that resilience is a focal point within the air force as our commander mainly focuses on mental, spiritual and physical resilience. These three can be linked to mindfulness which forms another reason as to why I believe it should be developed into theory. Resilience mainly focuses on the brain and how it is effectively able to adapt well in the face of challenging times.

I particularly enjoyed his focus on relationships especially since technology has really taken dominance of our lives endangering the solidity of relationships we have today. I agree with his point that the number one contributor to happiness and wisdom is fostering of positive relationships. That the more we give to others the happier we also become showing that happiness can also be achieved when material things are not the subject. Happiness has always been linked with reduced stress and improved health showing that mindfulness has some health benefits if properly nurtured.

Parents should guide their children especially with the reflection phase enabling them to learn how to observe and interpret different things in life. In this way, children will grow up with significant knowledge and will also know the importance of having positive relationships from a young age.

How Can Evolutionary Psychology Help Us in Real Life?


Evolutionary psychology is responsible for the identification of the human psychological traits that are evolved adaptations. While evolutionary biology, for example, is there to identify the ways in which our bodies have adapted through time, evolutionary psychology studies the psychological adaptations that people went through.

Those that study evolutionary psychology claim that our minds can and have gone through changes similar to those that our bodies went through. Evolutionary psychology is said to mainly affect our emotions, the way we behave with our closed ones and with ourselves.

So, let’s find out more about the benefits evolutionary psychology has on our day to day lives. You will be surprised with how many things we actually do just because of how we’ve evolved – and in quite a few cases, you would have had no idea that they are actually a product of evolution.

It Helps Us Love and Care for Our Children

If you are in charge of a naughty child, then you might wonder sometimes why you are still willing to do everything for him or her. Well, the past helped us greatly when it comes to this.

Before modern health care or any types of medical care that would be able to prevent most common diseases, as much as 50% of newborn babies didn’t make it past one year old. Moreover, 80% of the people living back then with no reach to proper medication, didn’t make it past eighteen years old. What’s the result?

Well, in time, we have learned to care more and more for our offspring. As we have few of them, we also put a lot of time in their caring and education. There is a small remnant of the past, back in our head, which tells us that, at any given time, we might be left without our children – and that just makes them more precious.

It Taught Us to Be Altruistic

By nature, people help one another. This trait was given to us back when we were just apes – that is if you believe in Darwin’s theory. Nevertheless, history proves to us that humans always try to help others of their kind, and not only.

Of course, not all people have evolved to be altruistic, but that’s just the influence of the many bad things that have happened so far. However, we see how important altruism is in our day to day life.

For example, people will sometimes do everything they can to appear altruistic – why? Because people, who are or just seem this way, have a better relationship with other people or with a group they’re a part of. No one likes a grumpy person who wouldn’t do anything to help his kin or donate for charity.

It Is Why We Still Love Nature

It is a fact well-known that our ancestors were not living in four-story buildings. Most of their time was spent outdoors, in nature. This has led to a human-nature relationship that is still available in some places in the world today. Nature would provide us with everything we needed for survival, while we were tending to and preserving it.

While nowadays man has a very hard time keeping this relationship balanced, we still feel the need to go a bit wild time to time and take a holiday far away from everything that’s modern.

This is why we still love going outdoors, even if our lifestyles are characterized by aspects of the modern age: staying inside all the time, working in a cubicle, being restrained by the cities’ grim look.

No matter how much we love our technology, gadgets, and living conditions, some of us would give it all away for a couple of months in the wilderness.

It Makes Us Want to Be Close to Our Kin

Until the Industrial Revolution, people usually lived in communities, of around 150 people, in which many people were related to one another. If you wanted to talk to your cousin, you would have just gone and pay a visit to her – right on the spot.

Many times, after we finish a call with one of our relatives, we feel like we would give anything just to be closer to one another – to be able to visit him or her whenever we want, without having to spend two or more days on the road, for example.

But, it is not about only wanting to be closer to our kin. It also makes us care more for those that are far away from us. We call them weekly, we ask them how they’re doing and how’s life going – sometimes with no purpose whatsoever; we just want to know they are healthy and good.

As you have noticed, evolutionary psychology does not have immediate effects on real life. However, just like evolution, it affects us in the long run, giving us traits and characteristics that help us be better people.

Victim Typologies


Sellin and Wolfgang’s typology is based on a five-group approach, which addresses situations that lead to crimes being committed instead of relations. Those classifications are known as primary, secondary, tertiary, mutual and no victimization. Every one of the groupings addresses a unique situation, which could lead to victimization and because each one of them differs, they are going to be discussed widely for clarity to avoid confusion.

Primary victimization refers to personal victimization; this implies that a person or group of individuals befall to be the first-hand victims of a planned crime. The crime committed can be because of revenge or personal grudge against one person or a selected group of individuals.

Secondary victimization occurs when a person is victimized unintentionally due to crime, for instance, murder. When a member of a family dies due to a terrible act, of course, the victim will not be around; however, his or her close and distant relatives will become victims due to the crime. The family members are not direct victims of the offense committed, but due to the member being killed, they are now secondary victims of the attack.

Tertiary victimization refers to a community as whole becoming victims. These crimes affect all the Society members and can be tackled with them together when they join hands. The government towards its citizens usually commits the majority of these crimes. For instance, when a politician rigs the election, every member of the society who voted and who did not vote will be victims since their rights to choose a leader they want will be interfered with during the election.

Mutual victimization occurs when a person who commits a crime is retaliated against and later on becomes a victim himself or herself. For instance, when a criminal commits a robbery injuring an employee who happens to be the daughter of a police officer, her father gets angry and decides to get even with the offender. He tries to murder the criminal; however, he inflicts severe wounds on him. The offender becomes a victim of mutual victimization in this scenario.

No victimization refers to a victimization, which is hard to explain. In most cases, crimes that are considered victimless fall under this classification. For instance, an over 18 student picking up a prostitute in a club, despite prostitution being known as a crime, the two people involved are also adults. Therefore, the crime becomes victimless.

According to the Time Magazine, after the November election whereby Donald J. Trump was elected president of the United States, cases of hate crimes have increased based on individuals race, gender, religion, and ethnicity (Reilly, 2016). It is believed that may have been caused by the proposals and rhetoric, which were used by the President-elect during campaigns like mass deportations of immigrants and barring Muslims from entering the country. This situation falls under Sellin and Wolfgang’s typology of primary victimization.

The Southern Poverty Law Center received more than 200 cases of hate crimes since election whereby many white supremacists in the country decided to celebrate Mr. Trump’s win; hence, minorities feeling their oats. Various people have marched in the streets to protest such behavior while several advocacy groups have called up the President-elect to condemn such actions, which is expected for him to act on the hate issues among Americans. For instance, in Maryland, when the vicar of Episcopal Church of Our Savior in Silver Spring, opened the church as every usual Sunday in the morning he was shocked to find that an advertising sign for Spanish sermons had been torn. The brick wall near the garden, which is used as a memorial site in Church, was written: “TRUMP NATION WHITES ONLY.” Other Churches in the region, which have Latinos as the majority, were also targeted thereby creating fear amongst the people in the area (Reilly, 2016).

In Pennsylvania, Black students who are a minority at the University of Pennsylvania were included in racist GroupMe message, whereby hate slurs were directed toward them (Reilly, 2016). The group was given a name of “Mudmen” and an anonymous person calling himself or herself “Daddy Trump” sent messages full of racial comments. One of the messages also indulged in the act of gender violence whereby it referenced Mr. Trump’s remarks regarding grabbing females by their genitals even without their consent while the other was calling for the lynching of black people. In Michigan, an unidentified man threatened a female student at the University of Michigan to remove her hijab or dare risk being set on fire with a lighter. Due to the reported rising hate crimes ever since September 9/11, the police in different states have promised to keep Americans safe by investigating various incidences and taking action on the criminals. The article illustrates cases of hate or bias crimes in America against black people, Muslims, and Women after the election thereby these offenses being classified under primary victimization.

Differences between victimology and criminology

Criminology is the scientific study of the nature, cause, extent, and control of criminal behavior in a person while victimology is defined as the study of the victim’s position or participation in the crimes. These definitions clearly highlight the major differences in the two scientific norms. Criminology directly examines criminal behavior while victimology studies the particular victims involved in the crimes. The article used in this paper discusses many hate or bias crimes directed at the minorities in America after the election by the white supremacists. The crimes discussed range from race, gender, and religion. The subject of the type of offenses in this paper falls under victimology since it studies victims of the crimes from the clerics, whose church was vandalized to Black students at the University of Michigan who were racially attacked through a GroupMe message. It also discusses how a female Muslim student was gender abused when an unidentified man threatened her to remove her hijab or risk being set on fire.


Through the study of various victim typologies by Sellin and Wolfgang and studying the difference between victimology and criminology, one can notice the demand for more research, which needs to be done on the field of criminal behavior. The needs to find out the reasons as to why some individuals still become victims in our society is wanting, especially in America whereby hate crimes were reducing in the previous years. During last year, hate crimes were lesser in the United States and it was rare for race, ethnic, or gender abuse to occur. The arise situation in America calls for more researchers to figure the cause of this hate crime so that we can build a better America for our children’s children in the future.


Breakup Needs to Be a Solution and Not an Emergency Evacuation Plan


When unhappiness enters your relationship, and nothing seems to work out for you too anymore, you should know that it is time to press the painful, yet efficient red button called breakup. It can be a harsh decision and it might imply lots and lots of nights when overthinking and bad thoughts will accompany you, but sometimes, this is the only solution you have unless you want the situation to get worse and to be forced later to press the button just because you can’t take it anymore. Each thing has to be done at the right time and this is why we provide you the reasons for which a breakup- what seems sometimes to be the end of the world- can be, in fact, a good thing for both you and your partner.

  1. A Relationship Is NOT a Battlefield

When your relationship starts to be dominated by fights, sharp accusations that function as strong weapons and hurt you both, you should know that it is time to stop right there and decide together what the best solution would be for both of you. Sometimes, people are so different that they cannot simply be managed and solved, and this is why both partners sitting at a table and talking calmly about your future together or apart is one of the best things you should do, as your happiness and his/hers are things that matter the most.

If after long talks and fights you still haven’t managed to find a solution that can keep you together, the breakup is the only choice left: a painful decision that will leave you both lost for some time, but that will give you the strength to continue with your goals, dreams, and desires. In time, the situation could have altered even more, leaving you both even more hurt, with awful memories that will foreshadow the good ones.

  1. Postponing the Decision Will Not Make Things Better

You might still believe that things can work properly even after a huge period in which nothing seems to go well. Once a relationship starts to gather wounds, it is very difficult to heal it and usually, it requires both partners and a lot of motivation and work. If things do not seem to go in this direction, postponing the separation will only be more and more hurtful and in the end, you will be forced to get out of this because you do not have another choice left.

Two consenting adults making the right decision that will still leave them on good terms and with good memories is the best way to end an unhealthy relationship.

  1. Friends Instead of Enemies

We all know you can’t be friends with your ex, but sometimes, fights and tensioned situations only bring the worst out of you and the person next to you. You will only reach that point in which you will not recognize yourself and the other- the most painful and unpleasant situation you could experience. You’ll gather so much disappointment, that you will only want to run away from everything- an unhealthy way of ending what used to be once a beautiful period of your life.

When things do not seem to have a silver lining, a breakup can be a solution. You and your partner should definitely avoid becoming enemies, fighting over everything and reach that point when your relationship is a prison for both of you. With patience, common sense and care about yourself and your partner, an inevitable breakup doesn’t have to be a desperate decision that will leave you only with sorrows and regrets.

Emotion and Motivation

Why is it easier for us to walk out to our car and drive across the town, just to go and visit a family member or a friend, but yet find it difficult, to walk across our house and place our clothes on the hamper, but rather drop them on the floor? Why do we have to send gifts, chocolates, flowers, to our friends and loved ones? The answer to this question shows how our emotions and motivations are strongly connected. On one hand, Gorman defined emotions as “a unique state of consciousness which may bring happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, disgust or fear; as differentiated from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.”


Emotions are the main controllers of the motivation in a person’s life. By understanding how people may feel in particular conditions can inform you on their reasons for particular actions. Take for example taking a walk to go see a friend, when you return, you’d rather drop your clothes on the clothes than taking them to the hamper. Why is this so? It is because we have an emotion, a feeling to go visit the friend or family and so we are motivated enough to drive across town for a visit, to fulfill the desire. Walking across our home just to put our dresses in a laundry basket may be done with different emotions, thus our actions will also be different. Going across a room to put our dresses in a hamper is a task towards which we may not have a strong desire, with the absence of motivation for it, we may simply just drop them on the floor. If on the contrary, there was a desire for those clothes to be washed immediately, so we can wear them again as soon as possible, then this desire will develop the necessary motivation in us, to walk across the room, to the laundry basket. Just we are all different, different people look at the same event, in different manners. Events are external circumstances, and they affect an individual’s emotional stat. Crying or smiling are responses to stimuli. Stimuli may occur as responses to internal or external factors, thinking something funny or thinking something sad. It is generally known that a person who smiles is happy, it is however unknown if the smile is just a reaction or if it is the smile that causes the happiness. By understanding emotional theories and their functioning in our subconscious, it helps us in managing our lives as well as understanding others. The very core of humanity, is hidden in our multifaceted personalities that result from our upbringing, experiences, genetics etc.  Each individual is unique and therefore each of our emotions to each situation are unique as well. Shachter-Singer theory considers how emotions and arousal affect performance and human motivation. From this theory, we learn that various events first cause physiological arousal, then emotions. For example, someone walking down a dark sidewalk at midnight. Upon hearing footsteps, the person’s heart will start racing, breathing will increase faster, fearing danger. This first part is the arousal part, then follows the emotion which is fear, because this behavior is the sense of danger.


Motivation on another hand, can be defined as “the reason(s) that someone may have for behaving in a certain way”. In many, if not most cases, the reason is emotion. Even though the biggest influence of motivation is emotion, another major influence is also having a goal. Take for example, a friend who will like to shed some weight, and this friend sets a goal of watching what they eat and do more exercises. The motivation that this friend will have are the goals that your friend had set. It is true that some people argue that the goals are also linked to emotions since those goals were made from a particular desire, and desire is none other but an emotion. According to Gorman, there are four theories of motivation. Let us take a close look at them.


Motivation theories

The first theory we’ll look at is the instinct theory. This theory stipulates that people are motivated and react or behave in a particular manner simple because they were programmed evolutionarily, to behave in that way. An example can be seen in animals, their seasonal migration. Although they have never really learn to do this, it is as a result of an inborn pattern of behavior. Another theory is the incentive theory. According to his theory, a person does something for external rewards. An example is an individual who goes to work every day so that at the end of the day He/She will be paid. The drive theory which is the third theory of motivation, stipulates that people perform different actions with the aim of reducing the tension or the stress, caused by unsatisfied needs. For example, someone will be motivated to eat something, to reduce the feeling of hunger. The arousal theory states instead, that people take different courses of actions to either increase or decrease their levels of arousal, so to maintain our arousal level at an optimum state. When someone feels that his/her levels of arousal is low, he/she may go out for a run or watch a movie, to increase arousal. With high arousal energies, such a person will look for ways to reduce it, by meditating or just sitting down quietly. The last theory of motivation we will look at is the humanistic theory. With a closer look, it is clear then, that motivation and emotion are strongly interlinked.


The strong relation that exists between motivation and emotion, is very obvious. The strongest aspect of a person’s motivation is always tied up with emotions, although this is a truth, the various theories of motivation seem more and more appealing to some people.